On Not Being Able to Write

Until some months ago, writing was a piece of cake. Words used to flow effortlessly. Since I took a break from writing, the words are being stopped by some barrier. Yet, here I am trying to find why I could not write.

# Reason 1: I got busy.

I had to prepare Maths and Science lessons, then try to teach rebellious teenagers, fail at taking control of the classes, and take a lot of undue stress. I asked the school administration how I could get the attention of my students. They suggested strong body language and beatings, if necessary. I was not convinced. So, I looked up books on taking control of the class. One book by Rob Plevin seemed useful but teaching Maths to students who fear or hate it is a huge challenge. I am doing my best. However, it’s not enough.

Three months ago, I got calls from my friends and they got me involved in a project. They had collected field data and told me and Deepa to prepare a geological map. On AutoCAD! I knew the basics of the software but had never made used it to make a geological map. The learning process was stressful as there was nobody to guide us. And the hours of work on laptop stressed my eyes. I used to be so tired, I used to sleep the moment I got free time.

There were also PSC exams. After completing the second version of the map, there was about a week for preparation. It went on without any disturbance. I did well in the exams too. Then came exams for another company and I still have one left this Saturday. Hope it goes well. Fingers crossed!

I also had to get involved in household chores that I could not avoid.

# Reason 2: I stopped caring about things or when I did, I could not express them.

In the past months, I did not care for a lot of things. They are all out of my memory. There were a lot of things during elections in April and May, but I chose silence over speaking and writing. (I was also busy to write anything!) Let history take its course, was my mantra.

There were other issues that grabbed my attention but instead of writing my feelings or thoughts, I followed what others said or wrote. Sometimes, it is better to remain quiet and understand the whole situation before making an opinion. Waiting to understand a situation helped me remain calm for most of the time.

# Reason 3: I made excuses when I had time or had an opinion.

I have been avoiding writing by making excuses. I have not written anything even for my wife. Even on her request. It’s getting embarrassing. Wish I could write anything at any time! I should stop making excuses. I should keep writing…