Leave Me Alone-4

Previously on Leave Me Alone

Ajay and Sasha go to Sasha’s home to celebrate Sasha’s birthday. Ajay sees portrait of a woman on red sari who looks like Sasha. Ajay is attacked by a woman on red sari and he flees. He goes to a police station and tells what had happened. Sasha wakes up on a cold street and returns back to her house, where police officers tell her to go with them. She is reluctant at first first but agrees later. At the police station, she faints.

Let’s look what happens to her and what truth Ajay discovers in this chapter.

The men at the police station acted quickly. Within minutes, Sasha was taken into the hospital, which she had exited some hours as a nurse. Ajay was devastated. He did not understand what was going on. Sitting on a chair outside the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital, Ajay began contemplating his relationship with Sasha. He realized that he did not know much about her. He had never asked her about her family and had wrongly believed that they were alive. Before Sasha had arrived at the police station, Dr. Shrestha had told him about her troubled childhood. He had also told that Sasha’s mother had died long ago. ‘Who was the woman who attacked me then? Was she Sasha’s mother? Or was she Sasha herself?’ Dr. Shrestha said she was Sasha but Ajay could not believe him. So, Dr. Shrestha gave his address and said, “Come to my house tomorrow at 8 o’clock in the morning. You will meet someone who will confirm my story.”

That night Ajay spent on the cold chair outside the ICU sometimes dozing, sometimes staring at the wall in front of him and sometimes looking at his unconscious girlfriend through the glass. When the darkness dissolved into the eastern lights, he talked with Rosa, whose shift had just ended. She told, “I had never thought I would see Sasha in such serious condition. I can’t still believe she is in coma. She was so lively last night.”

“Did you know about her problems?” Ajay interrogated as they walked out of the hospital.

“Everyone here knows that she had a split personality,” Rosa answered. “After long private sessions, Dr. Shrestha treated her. She got her nursing license after the treatment. Now that the disorder seems to have resurfaced, everyone is going to blame him. He is devastated.”

“I know,” Ajay said. “He is not happy with what has happened. He believes he made some mistake. The doctor thinks that if he had been a little more careful, Sasha would not have suffered the trauma.”

“It’s obvious he would think that way. He is her guardian,” Rosa remarked. They had already reached the bus stop on the street. Rosa bade farewell and went away. Ajay wondered, ‘Did she say Dr. Shrestha is Sasha’s guardian? He didn’t tell me that before. Why?’

He immediately resolved, ‘I need to ask the doctor.’

Ajay unfolded a small piece of paper in which the doctor had written his address. It was not far from where he was. Though he felt hungry- he had not eaten anything since lunch the previous day- Ajay decided to walk.

He reached Dr. Shrestha’s place in about fifteen minutes. He was not stopped at the gate. The doctor must have told the gatekeeper he was coming. He himself was waiting for Ajay in the garden. Beside him was a dark wrinkled woman. She smiled slightly at him. When Ajay sat on a chair opposite them, the doctor offered him tea and some slices of fruitcake. Ajay happily savoured them.

As they ate, Dr. Shrestha said, “Ajay, this is Parmila. She worked as a maid at Sasha’s from the time Sasha was born. Parmila knows their story better than I do.”

There was a silence for a while. Ajay asked, “Do you still work there?”

“No,” Parmila replied in a hoarse voice. “I stopped working there three years ago, after Sasha joined nursing.”

“Is it true that Sasha’s parents passed away while she was about six years old?”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“But I saw her mother last night,” Ajay exclaimed in disbelief.

“You can’t have seen Reshma,” Parmila said.

“The woman you saw was Sasha, not her mother,” Dr. Shrestha. “Tell him all you know, Parmila.”

Parmila nodded and began, “She was a beautiful child. She laughed a lot, played a lot. She wanted everything to be perfect even at a small age. She never liked playing with broken toys. After she played she used to keep them in their exact places. She was so sensitive that she used to cry whenever someone spoke to her loudly. She had lot of friends even at a small age.

“Sasha’s father had inherited a lot of land, from which he began a business of his own. Her mother, Reshma, worked at a bank on a good salary,” Parmila sighed and continued, “But some days after Sasha’s sixth birthday, fortune began to disfavour them. Her father’s business collapsed. He had taken up a loan from the bank where Reshma worked. The house had been mortgaged. The bank sold it when they could not pay the debt. The family who bought the house through bidding were relatives of the bank manager.

“Some months later, I heard a rumour that the manager of the same bank obtained that house from his relatives. Sasha’s father started blaming his wife for their misfortune. He said that she could have stopped the sale by talking to the management. But he never considered he had invested wrongly. He solely blamed upon Reshma for his failure. They moved into a small house. They had to pay rents and could not afford keeping me on the work. I had to leave.

“Some weeks later, Sasha’s mother came to my house. She looked as if she had slept for days. She was not as bright as she used to be. She sat beside me and said, “My husband has changed. He does not support me. He is not happy that I am still working at the bank that auctioned our house. I submitted resignation letter twice but they don’t approve it. He does not believe anything I say. We have been quarrelling a lot lately. It is affecting Sasha. He wants to send Sasha to a hostel. She is too young to be sent to a hostel. I want your help, Parmila.”

““Okay, I understand your problem. I’ll take care of the child,” I said, “You don’t need to pay me as long as you are in financial problem.”

“Sasha’s mother thanked me. She looked a little brighter by the time she left my place. I looked after Sasha in the mornings and evenings, while working at other places for money.

“Sasha was really affected by the fights her parents had. She was gloomy. She did not talk to anyone. Her grades had fallen. I did my best to keep her happy. I talked and laughed with her. I helped her in whatever I could. Whenever her parents fought, I took her to my house in her sleep. But I feared, even at that time, that I had not been able to stop the psychological change the child was going through.

“The family’s fortune changed all of a sudden. Reshma got a promotion and her husband discovered a link to get hold of his business again. A few months passed in peace until one evening Sasha’s mother said they were shifting. “Where,” I asked.

““Back to the house we left some months ago,” she said. I could not believe my ears. I asked her again and she replied the same. That was the evening, I saw little Sasha happy in a long time.

“No one asked Reshma how she got the house back. Her husband did not look happy, though. I heard murmurs among the women that Reshma had got the house back because of her illicit relationship with the bank manager. Her husband might have thought the same but did not say anything. He also stopped fighting with his wife and was giving time to Sasha whenever he could.

“Reshma, on the other hand, was not giving time to her daughter at all. She had changed. She usually came home late at night, drunk. So much that she could not stand upright. The bank manager would bring her up to the door sometimes. I knew her husband was angry. He was like a dormant volcano, ready to explode anytime. I feared the destruction it would bring.

“One evening, he burst up. Reshma was drunk as usual. He could bear it no more. He shouted out, “What’s wrong with you, Reshma? Why do you come home drunk every night?”

““There is no use telling you. You’re not going to believe me,” she replied angrily.

““Why don’t you tell me what exactly has happened to you?”

““You know everything,” Reshma replied in a low voice this time. “Why do you want to hear it from me?”

““What? I don’t know anything. How would I?”

“I could not hear what Reshma said but her husband was terribly enraged. He slapped her hard and yelled, “I didn’t know you could fall that low. Didn’t you even think of me and Sasha?”

““I had no choice,” Reshma said, crying. Her husband did not even look her. From the corner I was standing, I saw Sasha looking at her father. I was scared. She had seen her parents’ fight.

“The next morning, I witnessed the most tragic incident of life. Sasha’s mother was found dead in her room. Her face had become blue. A small bottle of poison lay beside her. The police discovered a note inside her diary in which she had written that the manager of the bank where she worked had molested her several times. The note also said that he had offered the house in return. Reshma had to accept everything he did because he had threatened to harm her family.

“The police caught the bank manager but his lawyer saved him from imprisonment. They even proved that Reshma was mad and that her note was not trustworthy. A few weeks later, the bank manger suddenly disappeared and has not been seen again. God punished him for this deed.”

There was a long silence at the table. “What happened to Sasha’s father?” Ajay asked slowly.

“Oh,” Parmila said, “He fell down the stairs and died. In his will he had wanted Dr. Shrestha to become Sasha’s guardian. I kept working at their house. Dr. Shrestha provided me wages until I decided to leave work due to my age two years ago.”

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Read More on the Story

A Story that took eight months to complete

I began writing Leave Me Alone through a concept while I was writing Quest during last year’s NaNoWriMo. I had written about a book Arun (the main character of Quest) reads during his vacation. Sometime later, I thought, ‘Why shouldn’t I write one such story myself?’

On 31st December, 2015, I began writing the story. I had set a goal to write about 4,000 words that resembled the story of the book Arun reads. I decided to use the first-person narration from the girl’s point of view. The first statement in that version was- “I was cold. So cold that it felt like my heart was frozen.”

When I read the first draft later, I was sure the story would not be completed in 4,000 words. Nor would one person’s view was enough. I decided to add one more character- the girl’s boyfriend. I made them enter the girl’s house together, where the boy would be attacked. Until then I had not given them names.

As I added more characters- a lawyer, a maid and a doctor- who, obviously had no names, I had to name the girl and the boy. That would make the narrations of latter characters easier. I gave them names- Ajay and Sasha. That was on May-April, I guess.
A month after I finished my notebook (not a computer) draft, I started typing. By this time, Ajay’s narration had preceded Sasha’s and each character was speaking in the first person PoV. When I reread that draft, I was distressed. They just looked like collection of judicial statements with only two characters having a little interaction.

Then I jumped to the PoV I am more comfortable on- the third person. And I decided to limit it, focusing one character during one chapter. ‘That will add suspense,’ I thought.

So the first time I typed it into the computer, Sasha’s PoV came up in the first chapter again. Sasha and Ajay would go to the girl’s home and Ajay would be attacked.

The same thing would be narrated by Ajay in different place. But there are differences and they are intentional. The foremost chapter has now become the third. The fourth, fifth and the sixth chapters have the stories of a maid, a lawyer, and Sasha’s dream on a back story linked with attack on Ajay. When the story ended, someone else than I had previously thought became the antagonist. I have not pointed them. 

I want you to unravel the mystery.*

*Note:The story is going to be published every Friday beginning on September 2, 2016. Be prepared!

This one’s for YOU!

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Dear  SOUL-MATE,

We know each other – at least by our names. YOU may never recognize me and as I will never mention YOUR name, YOU may also never realize that this message is for YOU. So, why am I writing this? I asked this to myself several times. I thought and thought and thought and finally came to a conclusion that this is not just about YOU, it is about Me as well. If I don’t express these things somewhere or to someone, I think I’ll go crazy. I don’t want that to happen. If I go crazy and if people somehow find out that my feelings towards YOU are to be blamed, I will never be able to forgive myself. Yes, I seem a little selfish, but it’s for the good of us.

YOU might ask, “If we already know each other, why no mention of names?” My answer is that I want YOUR name discreet. I don’t want others to know that it is really YOU. While others will be reading this, they will never know that I am telling this only to YOU. If I reveal your name, you might fall into trouble. People may mock YOU. Even YOU may feel bad that I did not tell this to YOU directly, but write it down on a letter that can be read by anyone. To save YOU from any stigma that YOU might face, I will try maintaining the secrecy as much as possible.

The day I met YOU was special. It was a fine spring morning with the Sun shining brightly. We were headed to different destinations, but our roads had merged somehow. YOU may not agree, but I think our souls had been planning to meet each other for long. The moment YOU talked with me is still fresh in my mind. I had felt stupefied and I had not known at that time, that I would know YOU as someone I have been calling YOU now. How that feeling came up might sound like a story to YOU (if I can tell it in future). But isn’t every life in this world a story with fascinating details?

Waiting for YOU on that route was difficult. It was a fifty percent chance that YOU would show up on a particular day. When YOU did not come, I just thought of that fine day, musing with myself. That moment gave me happiness no one can ever think of. Not a single moment has passed without the remembrance of that moment and YOU. It’s like my mind has been programmed to loop the same thing over and over – something that will never end until the end of my life. The best thing YOU did was to make me know myself. Before meeting YOU, I had very little interest in philosophy. Every time I met YOU, I felt that I had to have a good knowledge of life and death, of the world and its ways, of humans and love. I took an interest in these philosophical subjects to improve myself. The basic philosophy I followed was to love myself. If I did not love myself, I could not love YOU and could never expect YOUR love towards me. It’s been difficult. The transformation is slow. But it is not invisible. I have changed myself in a lot of ways. I have started seeing everything differently. I have got rid off the prejudices I had on people because they differed from me. I have started respecting each and every life on the Earth, the Earth herself, the Souls and the Creator. Above the Creator, I place YOU on the highest throne, respect, and love YOU. That’s because YOU made me contact with my Soul after a long time and it was during such sessions that I had understood the Creator.

As I communicated with my soul more, I could seek for YOUR Soul as well. Whenever YOU were not in front of my eyes, I would look into my Soul to search YOURS. You might not have realized but our Souls have been communicating. When YOU are happy, I feel a surge of happiness. When YOU do not, I feel the world has gone sad, unhappy. YOUR problems have become mine. The Mother Nature signals me of these feelings. If Nature can not, my soul makes a contact with YOU and transmits YOUR state into my dreams so that I can find out ways to help YOU. So far, I have not been able to do anything except provide YOU with some words of suggestions. However, that makes YOU happy and if such small tasks of mine makes you happy, I will be doing such things again and again.

YOU may think that these feelings towards to originated out of lust and not off Love. That’s not the case at all. Had it been only a crush or physical attraction, I would have forgotten YOU long ago. It was not about carnal pleasures – never has that been the case. YOU have attractive looks and YOU are more beautiful than average, but that was not the first thing I had noticed about YOU. The first thing I had noticed was YOUR presence of mind and the way YOU could notice small details from the past. Then I saw YOUR good heart and then I could see YOUR Soul. From the beginning itself, YOUR abilities and Pure Heart have attracted me, YOUR physique – never. There is no desire, there is no fear. Our Souls are Eternal friends and that will keep us close forever, though we might never meet again in our bodily forms.

Words are insufficient to describe my feelings towards YOU and I am finding it difficult to go on with this letter. Before I wrap off, I need to tell YOU something important. YOU might have been disillusioned by the ways people behave. YOU might have given importance to what others want to see from YOU. I know YOU are much different from what YOU have been showing to the World. No matter what YOU do, do not let anyone corrupt the Purity of YOUR Heart. If such a thing happens, I am with YOU forever and I will rescue YOUR Heart no matter what problems I might have to face.

Your Soul-Mate

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मौसम (Weather)

This is a poem in Nepali. For the English interpretation, please go below the poem.

ऋतुसँगै बदलिने मौसम यो
मौकासँगै फेरिने यस्को बानी हो

वसन्तको हर्षसँग रम्छ जहाँ
रङ्गीविरङ्गी फूल फुल्छन् त्यहाँ

ग्रीष्मको रिस पनि सहिदिन्छ यो
सुकेको खोलासँग बगिदिन्छ यो

वर्षाको पीडा बादल बनी लिन्छ
पीडा धेरै भए आँसु बगिदिन्छ

शरदको सान्त्वनाले दुःख भुल्छ
यसको शितलतामा शित बन्छ

हेमन्तको चिसो मुटु कमाउँछ
त्यो त्यस्तै हो भनी चित्त बुझाउँछ

शिशिरको स्वार्थले पिरोलिन्छ यो
पतझर सरि उजाड बन्छ यो

विचारझैँ हरपल बदलिन्छ
मनका सारा भावना समेट्छ यो

समयसँग सधैँ अघि बढ्दछ
वसन्त आउने आशामा बाँच्छ यो

©Originally written on 21st Bhadra, 2069.

This is a poem on weather, how it changes according to the seasons and time. When it is spring, the weather seems the happiest of all. Beauty of the world is enhanced. In summer,the heat is excess. It even kills the flowers that had bloomed in the spring. And yet, the weather continues continues hoping that they will bloom again. When the rain comes down, the weather seems in despair. The rain water becomes its tears. At the end of rainy season, flowers bloom again, but it does not last longer. After that, there is a long period of winter in which much of the greenery is lost. The weather is chilly and unkind, and yet it longs for spring to arrive.

Weather can be compared to our emotions and thoughts. We are the happiest in our childhood and our emotions change with time and season. We long for spring- pleasure, and have to go through several other emotions in achieving it. No matter what happens, we evolve and in the process, we achieve happiness again.

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